The following is a continuation of the "Random Thoughts for the week" thread. It was very hard for me to write, given the intensity of the debate and the emotions it dredged up.
Subject: Re: TAN: Random thoughts for the week
Date: Fri, 24 Apr 1998 13:05:32 - 0400
From: Maggie
Organization: Moo's Funny Farm and Day Care
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan
I beg your forgiveness for the length of this. It was hard to write, but needed to be said.
Steve Monahan asked:
John? Maggie? You've both struck me as intelligent caring people. Would you _really_ leave your kid and spouse to deal with this without you? Knowing that your spouse is going to be just as traumatized by it as you? I would never have the nerve to accuse you of that kind of heartlessness or cowardice.
Think about it, ferchrissakes.
I have thought about it, Steve, for my entire existence. I have thought about it from the perspectives of both survivor of vicious abuse and parent.
As a child, I saw our "civilized" system fail over and over. Time and again, my abusers were hauled into court, ordered to get counseling, and I was returned again to their "mercies". I had *no one* to help me but the system, and it failed me. I prayed for death - mine or theirs, it didn't matter, so long as my suffering would end. Had someone taken matters into their own hands and permanently stopped my abusers, I would have no longer had to live in the depths of Hell. I would never have had to fear that I would never know a life without abuse.
The system *failed* miserably, Steve, and I nearly *died* as a result.
That said, I *do* believe in the necessity of law. Ironic, no? I *still* believe that law is vital. I *still* believe that it is possible to see justice served through our system. I should hope with every ounce of my heart and soul that, if something so abhorrent were to befall my children, I would have the strength to hold my anguish and rage in check and allow the system to do its job. But, If the system failed again? As Mark{Loy} has already said,"...if the system fails, I couldn't care less about the rights of someone who cares even less about the rights of truly innocent individuals."
Consider this: Your child is savagely abused. When the initial shock begins to subside, you set about fighting for justice to be served. You allow the system to begin working while you desperately try to help your child cope. You hold and comfort your child through the nightmares and periods of utter terror. He begs you to make sure the offender can never harm him again, and you tell him the judge and jury will see to it that the offender is punished and will never come again. *That* is the *only* scrap of reassurance that even remotely *begins* to ease the child's suffering.
Then, for whatever reason, the system fails, the abuser goes free. What do you say to your child? "Oh, sorry."? That child cannot understand the loopholes and intricacies of the law, all he knows is that his abuser is loose, and he lives in terror that the abuser will come back. *Nothing* can ease that terror. Compounding that, the system we have asked him to trust has, in effect, said "Not this time."
I would like to be able to say with all certainty that I would have the strength of will to be high minded and rational, that I would fight for another trial and see the offender brought to justice under our laws. I can't promise that, however.
Like it or not, something savage and uncivilized resides in all of us. My trigger is simply different from yours. I love my children blindingly, passionately and utterly. I can't promise, to myself or anyone else, that I would be able to watch my child suffer, to stand helplessly by as he screams throughout the night, reliving the abuse in his nightmares because he knows his attacker has gone free. I cannot say for certain that I would not snap, track the offender down, and slowly extract vengeance with my bare hands. At the very least, my son would know without a doubt that his attacker would never return, and his nightmares could begin to subside.
Heartless? Cowardly? Selfish? No, Steve, *human*.
Jeena, Mike and Bill have tried to separate it into just two options: right and wrong. Unfortunately, it is much more complex than just simple right or wrong. We all *know* that taking the law into our own hands is *wrong*, but as John Dilick, Mark Loy, Bobby Parker, Max and myself have all pointed out, *knowing* and *believing* that it is wrong might not necessarily make a difference when someone we truly love is involved.
For all of the debate of logic, reason and law, the fact remains that *no one* can truly predict how they will react in that situation. I pray that *none* of us here are *ever* put in that situation, because it isn't a matter of logic or convenience, but a matter of strength over anguish and blinding rage.
I doubt even the most civilized among us, no matter how much we argue to the contrary, can ever ignore that completely. We can only *hope* we will be strong enough to do what we *know* is right, and pray that our own savage instincts will not take over.