Subject: SACAIGAP: Laps, Groping & Bondage (L2K Quote List) From: leahlcole@yahoo.com (Keeper of the Chronicles) Organization: EarthLink Inc. -- http://www.EarthLink.net Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan NNTP-Posting-Host: 63.27.20.12 Let me first take this moment to thank Paul Raj Khangure for doing the bulk of the handwriting deciphering and typing. I also extend my thanks to the people who took up the pen when I thrust it and the notebook at them and said, "here, you keep track for a little bit." You guys are the best. And now, without further ado, here are the Quotes of the MiLoynium: There were a few ensemble entries into the Chronicles. These included (but were not limited to): "Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgh" "Life *IS * good" "Life is *GOOD *" a spirited rendition of "Sit on my Face" "Ponies. Walks in the Park. Free Bird! FREE BIRD!" Many many many whoop-ass jokes. Individual entries follow: "I am a dingo." - Paul "Woof!" - Paul "I can love you with ice as well, if you'd like." - Paul to Ann "I'll carry you if somebody else carries the booze." - Bill to Maggie "It just made this satisfying bang." - Maggie "It's a sexual aid." - Tina on exploding coffee mate. "So you get a handful of coffee mate ..." - Skwid "Oh honey, don't go into it!" - Tina "If it's not fuchsia, it's not for me." - Kenn C "The fact that it spins is very disturbing." - Novak "I don't like sleeping on the wet spot." - Paul "Anyone who's slept in a tent with 18 people knows that there's nothing worse than sleeping in someone else's wet spot." - Skwid "Sex, age of consent ..." - Leah "Hey! I'm in!" - Paul "You think you can take me big boy?" - Maggie "Let's thumb wrestle!" - Bill "You've got a big head." - Steve. "Yes, I do!" - Skwid. "Crikey! Here we have a dangerous specimen" - Skwid. "You missed all the groping." - Paul. "That was a long one." - Kenn C "Yes, it was." - Tina "Oooh, I'm gonna get it." - Leah. "Oh speed, you were wonderful." - Leah. "Hey, now Maggie's gonna get it!" - Pam. "Damn! She bites!" - Steve. "Did she just call you Sammy Sosa?" - Skwid. "Cheap and easy ... take it where you can get it!" - Leah. "It's even got a hole for the ice." - Paul (Clearly in a moment of silence) "Who's naked?" - Paul "Bring out the nipple wax" - Tina "As you get toward the center it gets colder. Like having sex with a dead person." - Tina "It's necrophelia without the legal complications." - Tina. "We don't take any of that queenie crap here." - Novak. "Hot pepper in food is like bondage in sex. If you have the right amount, it can make the experience more enjoyable. But, one doesn't want to have so much that it's just downright painful." - Steve "Who's touching me? Oh good, it's you." - Tina to Skwid. "It's like dick cheesecake. Whip it long enough and you get that creamy texture." - Tina "Finish it off baby." - Tashenna "He dropped the cock ring." - Paul "I had to get the small." - Drew "I mean, you got beat by the furriner." - Drew. "Mmmmmmmmm" - Paul's comment on Steve's shoulder rubs. "Yes, while you were getting dressed and undressed." - Tashenna "I got off easy." - Bill "Novak has a slim hand and a well turned finger." - Paul "Kenn, stop drooling" - Paul. "Y'know, I'm pretty sure this is illegal in Indiana." - Novak. "He threw a can of Whoop Ass at you." - Skwid. "Get your hand out of my pants." - Paul to Steve "It's always very tight. So if someone presses very hard, it hurts." - Maggie. "Ooooh!" - Maggie. "Oh yes, I'm such a drama queen." - Steve "Tell us about the gay lover who ruined your life." - Paul "It was you, just a few minutes ago." - Novak "My soul is powering my calculator." - Novak "Do they boingy boingy in Norway?" - Bill "Put your head back in his lap and say you're sorry." - Paul "We sniff petrol, we don't eat it." - Paul "I jiggle no matter what." - Kenn C "It was a gust of Kenn." - Kenn C "Basically, I just stuck my tongue down there." - Tina "I only get enthused when it's about oral sex." - Tina "You have a giant penis coming out of your head." - Amy "Translation: you're a dick head." - Novak "Spermicide gets it every time." - Tina "Steve, go take a cold shower." - Paul "I'll come with you." - Kenn C "Dance for our pleasure, weasel boy." - Novak "Ken says he's really pliant." - Novak "Mmmmmm!" - Skwid. "Steve, you've got to bite his arse to make him think it's Tina." - Paul "My Little Ego, by John Novak." - Kenn C "But Novak rhymes with shop vac." - Paul "Are you going to sit there and let him take that?" - Kenn C "Skwid's sitting there getting turned on by a padlock." - Paul "I like padlocks." - Kenn C "Let me play with it." - Kenn C "Can you imagine sex with Novak?" - Tina "That's a mouthful." - Kenn C "How come the only compliment I got was from the fag?" - Novak "Tell your story about the 6 hour erection." - Kenn C to Madhu "You've got my bunny ears! You bastard!" - Maggie "No, we don't want to see it." - Pat "I never have ass for breakfast, Steve." - Pam "How would you like your gypsy?" - Steve "Can I have my hot dog manifold style?" - Pam "We're mocking you now." - Steve "You mock my bacon, I'll mock your choice of cooking utensils." - Novak "I've already had him." - Steve on Paul "Kenn has decided to go the other way." - Bill (loudly, in a crowded restaurant). "So how's my pumpkin muffin this morning? ... Hey! leave the breasts alone." - Paul to Steve. "Was it good?" - Kenn to Maggie "You've been in longer, but not harder." - Tina "Good snatch!" - Bill "You are double plus un-good." - Novak "Mmmmmmmmmm, crispy hog fat. Aaaaaaahhhh." - Novak "Oy! This is a Chihuahua free zone." - Paul "That's Kozlowski, playing with his plastic underwear." - Skwid. "Databases ... meow meow meow." - Pam. "You've gotta rotate that sucker." - Pat. "How many mental disorders do you have?" - Novak "You've got a very long tongue." - Kenn C "Then there's the clean and jerk." - Pat "Isn't that the wrong way 'round?" - Kenn C "Do you destroy everything you touch, Kozlowski?" - Paul "It's my room. If we want to fuck on the bed, we'll fuck on the bed. You can watch or you can leave." - Paul "You're so heterophobic!" - Pam "I'm not checking to see if it's still there; I just needed to adjust the pants." - Leah "That is not his tongue, is it?" - Paul, on Steve. "It's for women and fags." - Paul "I always get handcuffed to someone. And it's always in large groups of people I don't know." - Leah "And now you know what matrimony is like." - Pat "Where was it before it came out of your pants?" - Pam to Paul "Only two sets of hands touching me is just not acceptable." - Leah "Oooh, now I'm a bad ass." - Kozlowski in Bill's sunglasses. "What? Do you prefer the more PC 'nicotine slut'?" - Novak. "Lots of nervous energy in the weasel." - Skwid. "Damn, that's a big finger!" - Tina "Is your room a rat-hole too?" - Koz "My room is not a weasel hole!" - Novak "You're fucking with my nice clean metaphor." - Novak "Send them telepathy - 'Listen to the brown guy'" - Madhu "There's nothing wrong with women's crotches. I just don't like them." - Kenn C "My lap is never cold." - Anne. "He's not your standard issue gay. He's special order." - Novak "Ohmigod! Tina just rolled Dave!" - Kenn C. "Yeah-up, that's obscene." - Pam "Makes you wonder where it's been." - Tina "More chocolate things to be licked." - Loy "I have a long cylindrical object to lick." - Kenn C "It's got my man spit all over it. Oh yeah!" - Kenn C "You're doing it all wrong." - Anne "It's been a while, okay?" - Kenn C. "Obviously!" - Ken G. "That's the only freckled dick I've ever seen." - Tina "Oh, as long as he's up." - Anne "I don't know if I could handle you and her at the same time." - Dave Scotton "I'm Ms Poots-a-lot." - Kenn C "I swear to God that's actually my wallet." - Novak "You've got a blonde - what else do you need?" - Steve "I've got a big one." - Maggie. "You don't mind if I get wiggley do you?" - Dave S. "I have bras that do that." - Paul "I can always use more slaves" - Alex. "Vile weed!" - Alex. "It's always a bad time when the Paul McCartney comes out" - Ken G. "There was someone else in Novak's lap the last time I checked." - Leah "Phil Collins is an excellent *drummer* " - Roy "We've been slowing down the pace. I was parked on Novak for a good while." - Leah "He's busy doing Maggie back there." - Noell. "I haven't lost it yet!" - Kenn C "Sur-fuckin-real" - Kenn C "Get down on all fours, bitch!" - Steve to Paul. "He's the analytical one. I'm drunk" - Maggie, on Dave. "Well, that about sums up that relationship." -- Pam "Okay, now we play _my_ bondage game." - Paul. "I have a bladder the size of a watermelon." - Novak. "Novak gives good lap." - Leah. "Dynamite with a laser beam." - Queen "That's me!" - Pam "That's the first time I've been dry humped by a guy." - Eric. "Amy Yost! Novak's lap is now vacant." - Koz. "Oh! Michael! With the strappy little thong!" - Skwid "I'd like to run my hands all over her." - Paul. "Mark, if your balls haven't dropped by now ... there's no hope." - Paul "He is evil, Missy! Stay away!" - Loy. "Leah, close your eyes and take it all in." - Steve Spoken Samurai Style: "I am the master. You must listen to me!" - Loy. "You told me to come, right?" - Drew "I have hard hands. That makes a difference with men." - Madhu. "My lap is extendable." - Novak. "I never thought I would say this to you, but bend over." - Novak to Loy. "My mojo works in front of the fireplace, too." - Novak. "Wow! You are strong!" - Anne. "And this is why you're so damn screwed up." - John. "It's got the pink bunny and everything." - Eric. "What - dandling Drew on my knee?" - Novak. "I'm not allowed to touch the other knob." - Tashenna "Me and Deb are gonna do it together." - Pam "Oooh! You're hot." - Deb to Novak. "Eat your heart out, Loy." - Novak "_I_ am _GOD_!" - Loy. "I have not been able to penetrate the Loy." - Drew "No, I do not give Laplanders." - Novak. "I love Novak, but Oh! My! God! Bill's hands!" - Deb. "Hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!" - Skwid. "I won't take my shirt off for just anyone." - Deb "Then I realized you are the massage bitch." - Tina "Bleah!" - Paul after biting Skwid's arse. "David, tell me ... does the bond chafe?" - Steve Spoken Samurai Style: "I shall leave with the goddam spoon." - Loy "Hey that's like remote control. Son of a bitch. Ooh that's good. I have a new toy!" - Novak. "It has something to do with your testicles, I believe." - Loy "Where's the spatula - we need to spank Bill now." - Pam "Anne accepts them with her hands on Paul's balls." - Novak "I will accept them with my hands NOT on Paul's balls." - Anne "I'm just better at the bondage game. I can't deal with people with their legs crossed." - Paul "I was so proud to be your wife." - Deb "It was seven or eight inches when it fell." - Pat "Oral. Anal. Vaginal." - Dave Scotton. "Well, next time use a chastity belt." - Dave Scotton "Spock!" - Tina to Alex. "I didn't care. I took my shirt off. I wanted him to touch my body." - Deb "Makes me wonder, makes me wonder, blah blah blah, makes me wonder." - Drew "I'm having trouble speaking. I think I need more beer." - Tina "You are a mean drunk." - Paul "She just likes to say 'penal'." - Skwid "My donkey won't sleep." - Roy "That's an idiom, isn't it?" - Novak "I'm not sure where it's slipping in, but it is." - Skwid "I know somewhere in my heart of hearts that someday he would scale the bell tower and throw pieces of paper cup down at people. It would last for about an hour and a half. He'd get bored, have himself a good cry, and go home." - Novak "I give good head, what can I say?" - Leah. "Dude. Back away slowly. No one has to get hurt here." - Novak "I'm going to agree with the filthy Australian meme sleller." - Novak. "If I'm going to grope someone, I'm going to do it like this ..." - Leah "I think he's a cute and fuzzy little trash heap." - Leah "Oh ... a big one." - Bill "Actually do what you did with your tongue last night ... I'm not sure if you remember, but you like ... made it vibrate." - Kenn to Ken. Spoken Samurai Style: "You cannot fool me with your empty headed ways." - Novak "Do you have your secret gay decoder ring?" - Kenn "Bill. Both hands above the table, son!" - Novak. "Ask the nun if she'd like to sit on my lap." - Novak "No, you were pissing everyone off because you were being a bastard." - Kenn "Put your hand in the crack, you'll find it." - Leah "I don't like it when he's bent and I can't fix him." - Leah "There was no sucking involved, unfortunately." - Dave Scotton "Really officer, that's actually a dead body back there." - Maggie "You're also grasping the boniest part." - Dave Scotton "I'll take it where I can get it." - Leah "What happens when I yank some?" - Bill "I had a big relapse into Catholicism there." - Dave Rothgery "Bill, what a huge box you have." - Paul "It's very unusual for Maggie to keep her legs crossed for very long." - Paul "I'm just showing off for the quote lady." - Paul "My Bill, what a big mouth you have." - Paul "All the better to [obvious rude gesture with tongue and cheek] you with!" - Bill "How do you drive?" - Bill "On the left hand side of the road." - Paul "Just ram them and blow them backwards." - Paul "I'm moist!" - Loy. "I'm not giggling, I'm preening." - Dave Scotton "[A metric fuckload] is more precise than an imperial fuckload. Not as big, though." - Maggie "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single grope." - Leah & Dave Scotton And there you have it folks. Honor to serve and alla that. :-) Leah -- Leah L. Cole colel @ earthlink.net "Veni, vedi, dedi gremium bonum" --the Humblest Lap on the Net