Subject: LONG: Chicago DFS - The truth, the whole truth, etc., etc., etc.
Date: Mon, 03 Aug 1998 21:11:56 GMT
From: mondo@zoomnet.NOSPAM.net (Steve Monahan)
Organization: NDL
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan

After being pestered nearly to catatonia, _and_ after the promise of
sexual favors, I decided that I would indeed make the trek from
Deliverance Hollow, West Virginia to the Blowing City. In all
seriousness, I'm glad I did. The entire weekend was an experience par
excellence.

After completing the 12 hour drive in a little over 8 hours, I arrived
at Shayoul Ghul (the Ho-Jo motel on LaSalle). Upon stating my name,
the desk clerk was so impressed, that he gave me a key to a room, free
of charge. Upon completing the post trip freshen up, I called the desk
to inquire how to find the other spawn.

It turned out that my timing was magnificent. John Dillick was at that
moment checking in. I gave the standard darkfriend challenge of "the
coke will arrive up your ass at midnight", to which he correctly
responded with "excuse me while I whip this out." Mrs. Dillick was
then heard to ask "where the _fuck_ do you people go to learn this
shit?"

Our devastatingly witty comeback was "huh?"

I escorted the Dillick's to their room, carefully ensuring that I held
the door for John and slammed it in Annette's face. Wouldn't want to
be sexist, y'know.

Upon reaching the assigned cubicle, we found Maggie, Noell and
Drew The Blameless, all eagerly awaiting out arrival. Introductions,
handshakes and casual sex were enjoyed by all.

We had some great conversation and an incredible amount of fun picking
on the rest of y'all. Once the appropriate time came, we headed for
the bookstore, where we were to meet the rest of the crowd. We decided
on public transportation, which was a Good Thing(tm) as it provided
much entertainment as Drew got into (and lost) an argument with the
ticket dispensing machine. And John Dillick befriended one of the
locals. "I told you to leave me alone!"

We got to the bookstore more or less on time. Waiting for us were, Jim
Hill, Flavio, Pam and John Novak. Introductions, handshakes and more
casual sex were had by all. There was a good deal of bantering and
browsing. Some purchases were made, which pleased the proprietors no
end.

I decided to wait outside for the Loy's to arrive because; 1. I
couldn't smoke in the store. 2. I was the only one that had met the
Loy's to that point in time. And 3. It was hotter than the ninth level
of hell inside the store. It turned out that Flavio was in agreement
with me on 1 & 3, and joined me outside. Several others were driven
out by the heat and/or nicotine deprivation. The group was pretty much
split in half in & outside the store. This is when the Loy's arrived,
apparently by climbing in through a back window.

Once we reached a full circle of 13, we headed for the feed trough. In
this case an Ethiopian Restaurant that was within 4 blocks of the
bookstore (BradJ and Chad are invited to take a lesson from this).
Dinner was superb (Despite the whining about the bread. If you want
Wonder Bread, bring your own!), John, Pam (and I believe, Drew) did
the honors of ordering for the group, and did an excellent job of it.

The conversation was spirited and hilarious. We had a fucking blast.

Flavio redeemed his disappearing act during the planning stage of the
social, by heroically brandishing his credit card during the "pay for
it" stage of dinner.

Thank you, Flavio. Very much.

We decided to head out at this point, which I'm sure caused a huge
sigh of relief from the restaurant owners.

On the way out the door, I suggested to Flavio that a bar might be a
good destination. He agreed with; "Absolutely, I'm _way_ too sober for
this time of night on a Friday."

We walked across the street to the nearest bar. Really. Imbibing of
intoxicating and non-intoxicating beverages, raucous conversation,
riotous laughter and an incredibly good time were had. We incidently
found that the Tower of Ghengi leads to Chicago when we found that
Lanfear lives next door to the bar we were at. No shit, none at all.

DAY 2:

Annette Dillick, Maggie and Noell went shopping. Those of us (at the
Ho-Jo's) with a Y chromosome stayed behind and did what all guys want
to do on a Saturday afternoon. Sit around in an air conditioned space,
show off your computer toys, shoot the shit about work, the group, and
life in general and generally laugh our asses off. John, Drew; I had a
blast.

We then headed out for dinner at a _really_ nice Cherman restaurant.
Unbeknownst to us, it was (apparently) "Chicago restaurant and coffee
shop employees get to abuse patrons" day. The raven-haired Amazon at
the restaurant proceeded to try to pick a fight with both Novak and
Annette. We were finally seated, whereupon the waiter decided to force
feed vegetables to those that stated a desire to not have any.

The food was good, the company, better.

I was incredibly overdressed.

We proceeded by public transport to the Blues club (by way of a coffee
shop in which Drew and John (Novak) were assaulted by a middle aged
woman.) And where I tried my damndest to break Mark of his sexist door
ideals, but was short-circuited when Paul decided to Sumo wrestle my
fat ass out onto the sidewalk in one shot.

The band was great. Especially the bass player.

In short (yeah, right!) it was an incredibly fun weekend. I'm glad
that Maggie and Noell cajoled me into showing up. I enjoyed myself
more than you can imagine.

Notable Quotes:

"Jesus, that's an Ethiopian Fabio!"

"I've got an Enormous Schwanstooka!
Prove it.
I can verify that."

"Oooh! I've got a techno-boner!"

"Just how many opaque beers _did_ Monahan drink?
I don't know, but Chicago's out."

Drew's got a better list. And if he doesn't, it's all Noell's fault.

--
Steve   (Remove "NO SPAM" to reply)
http://www.zoomnet.net/~mondo/default.html

"...and I will make it felony to drink small beer."
[King Henry VI]