Subject: A Toledo Perspective
From: "Drew Gillmore" <leisureforce@prodigy.net>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan
Organization: Leisure Force

Forward:

I'm not sure why I did this report.  I wasn't going to, as Kken and Maggie
had volunteered to do it.  Somewhere in there I got a sense that a report
wasn't going to happen, and I began writing this.  When it was half done,
Maggie's report appeared, and Noell followed it up with several things I had
written about in my report, so I thought, "Oh, well, I guess I don't have to
do one after all."  Then it sat on my hard drive for a while, half-finished,
and all of the sudden I had the compelling urge to finish it.  I thought I
would make it a little zany, but while zany things did occur, I found myself
writing closer and closer to a narrative the harder I tried to exaggerate.

Ah well.  Some of it is a little kooky.  Regardless, enjoy.

The Toledo Social from Drew's perspective.

There was no wind, unfortunately.  At least some wind would have maybe
brought some fresh air in and taken away the recycled, stale breath that
hung heavy in the air.  And the smell...Ah, the smell of long cooked food,
grease, and weary travelers.  And the clicking sounds of footsteps and the
small wheels on tiles blended in nightmarish harmony with the occasional
shriek of the small child.

Airports.  I hate airports.  I especially hate airports that 1) put the
check in counter where the sign for your destination city is an half an hour
walk from your departure gate and 2) put the gates an half an hour walk from
the place where you can validate your nicotine dependency.
DFW and Chicago O’hare are two such airports.  I had the fortune of being in
both in one day.  Of course, the end result was a Darkfriend Social in
Toledo, with a side trip to Chez Loy.  The potential of the weekend far
surpassed the small inconvenience of tired muscles, an aching back, and a
desire to throttle the nearest stranger.

Noell was waiting for me in Chicago, which made me incredibly happy as it
meant that I did not have to carry my luggage across the airport to have a
cigarette.  It was also good to see her again.  After finding my way to the
exit and back, and making a successful trip through the metal detectors
without needing a strip search, we boarded the smallest plane I have ever
been on.  I'm pretty sure that by the time the flight was over, everyone on
it hated me, but that's typical in most situations.  I have that effect on
people.  Especially people that don't want to hear "Okay, I was wrong.  Not
everyone will die, but we're definitely going to crash."

We survived the trip from Chicago to Toledo, rented a car, navigated through
to our Hotel somewhere on the other side of the Ohio/Michigan border where I
found to my delight I could smoke just about anywhere I damn well pleased,
and then found ourselves standing outside of the apartment complex where
Maggie lived wondering if the three people we could see through the window
would mind terribly if we started banging on it.  I began a quick study of
the lock in question to see if there would be someway to get around it, but
before I could test my McGuiverness, Noell had alerted the beings inside the
people aquarium to our presence, and we were let in without too much of a
hitch.

There were now five.  Maggie, Maggie's husband Mark, Noell, Kken and myself.
Formal introductions were made, we sat and talked for a bit, and then Kken
and I excused ourselves so that we could go pollute the hallway.  Out there,
we discussed our geek portfolios, and then proceeded to go back inside, get
on the computer, and geek out.  We learned a couple things.  One that Kken
gets paid for his ability to geek out, and two, that when making a dynamic
color changing house to test roof tile colors on in a Web Page, make sure
you can change the color of the shutters.  In the end, Kken won out.  He's
the bigger geek.

Then Kken shared with us his fascination with the "Pink Panther", showing us
many items that had the visage of the Pink One blazoned across it.  The
shirt he was wearing, a bright neon pink hat, and a couple other things.  He
followed this display of Panther Paraphernalia with the question "See?  I'm
perfectly normal, aren't I?"

Uh...sure, Kken.  You’re normal...whatever you say.

Maggie's husband pleaded that we were all insane, and that he had to work in
the morning, so Noell and I left and went back to our rooms at the hotel.
Morning would find us back at Maggie's preparing for our drive to
Indianapolis.

After the obligatory wait for Maggie, during which I re-parked the car
several times, solved all the world's problems four times over, quelled
three arguments going on between the voices in my head that dealt with my
favorite ice cream flavor for the day, and strategically planned a bank
heist.  I think Kken and Noell discussed musical tastes.

The drive was supposed to be somewhere around four and a half to five hours.
Since we were driving through Ohio, and I've heard the horror stories, I
tried to keep the speedometer needle this side of ninety.  This was
aggravating, as I am not used to the flow of traffic being that slow.  Of
course, I'm not used to there not being a flow of traffic either, and the
wide open stretches of road called out to me saying "Speed Trap, Speed Trap,
Speed Trap".  I contented myself with giving the people in the tollbooths a
hard time as recompense for my frustration.

There were a lot of funny things done and said on the drive down, and we
listened to some good music courtesy of Noell and her portable CD player.
But the largest single-most eventful occurrence was that we arrived in
Indianapolis over an hour early.  The plan was to call Mark from a McDonalds
that he had specified, but I didn't know if 1) he was off work yet, and 2)
he would be ready to come deal with us.  Being the resourceful guy who likes
to surprise that I am, we looked up Mark's address and bought a map, which I
sacrificed most of to the road gods, and we found our way to the Loy's
shortly before five.

The Loy's...somehow, I have the feeling that I will never be able to do this
part of the trip justice…Arriving at the Loy's house gave me a feeling that
was kind of like that feeling that you get when you go to visit a relative
that you like and haven't seen in a long time crossed with the feeling of
coming home after a long absence mingled with the relaxing feeling of being
somewhere that you know has all that you desire out of life with just a
touch of the sexual anticipation that you have on a first date, before you
screw it up by laughing chocolate shake through your nose onto her new white
dress.

We received the nickel tour, and then proceeded to play Frisbee with the
Border Collie know as "Missy".  Missy, for those of you that attended the
"Smashing Apples Social" in Concord many moons ago, is just like the happy
demon dog that was there, except that she was a little more well behaved.
The best thing was when you threw the Frisbee too far, she would stop and
lay down and look at it.  Mark explained that they had an "invisible
electric fence", and Missy knew the boundaries well.  After discussing the
possible uses of such a device, it was decided that it was in the favor of
all if we just let the dog keep it.

Several things happened that afternoon into the evening.  It was a very
full, very fulfilling time.  I had the opportunity to spray Kken with beer,
as well as discuss the merits of Guy Gavriel Kay's
"Fionovar Tapestry Series".  I also attempted to convince Kken on a couple
of points from the Books.

We had the pleasure of meeting Jennifer and Eric Loy, and Mark and Deb put a
fantastic feast before us accompanied by champagne and Mood Music which
inspired Eric to show us what he has learned from his father.  We discussed
a couple different books.  I think I discussed more book-related stuff, and
not just RJ, at this Social than I have at any other.  After dinner we drank
more, young Eric whooped up on me in a high risk game of pool, and we taught
Mark the "Beer before Liquor" phrase.  He tested out the phrase, using
several variations including "Liquor before you dick her makes it quicker".
We had the ObMargaritas, where I learned that Maggie likes a little
Margarita with her salt.  I eventually remembered that I had brought my
guitar along, and I had drunk enough to be persuaded to play guitar and sing
for those assembled.  It is rare that I get an audience that is willing to
sit and actually listen to what I'm playing.  More often than not, I tend to
be "background music".  Thanks to all present for being a gracious audience.

We talked and drank well into the night.  Noell, Maggie, Mark, myself and
Missy stayed up long after Jen left, and Kken, Deb and Eric drifted of to
various corners of the house to sleep.  I mostly sat in front of the
fireplace and listen.  With warm air on my back I contented myself to
relaxing with friends.  Freeze this moment a little bit longer, make each
impression a little bit stronger.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and we eventually
decided that pillows and blankets would make much better company at that
moment in time.

The morning found another feast, and while I am hard pressed to force myself
to eat breakfast, it was almost noon, so I called it lunch and dug in.
Another great spread.  By twelve thirty we realized that we would probably
be late getting back to Toledo for the actual Social, so we grudgingly
packed up the car and said our good-byes.  Thank you Mark and Deb for a
truly memorable experience.

We made it back to Toledo only twenty minutes late, and without any speeding
tickets, where we met Steve Ginter and the two lurkers, Kurt and Paul.  The
COSI in Toledo is quite an interesting place.  Noell informs us that we
missed over half of it, but I think that what I saw was more than enough.
Kken and I played God, we all shadow boxed, did nifty Physics stuff, played
the piano, and attempted to build a dam with fine sand and rocks that was
immediately destroyed by the next kid to come along.  We eventually had to
leave, and we made our way haphazardly to Tony Pakos, which I'm told, is
famous.

The seating arrangements were somewhat cramped, but the beer was good, the
company was better, the food was delightful, and the waitress wanted me.  I
pick up on things like that.  Fortunately enough for her, I could see right
away that it could only end in heartbreak with her wondering why for the
rest of her life.  To save her the lonely years of desolate wandering, I
played the dupe to her incessant flirtations and bought a beer glass from
her to add to my collection so that she wouldn't think it was a total loss.

The night wore on, Maggie's husband appeared bearing gifts for Maggie, and
Paul and Kurt professed schoolwork and bowed out.  I remember school.  I
don't remember doing any work, though, which is probably why I'm not in
school anymore and don't yet have a degree.  Maybe there's something to that
whole "Schoolwork" thing.

We later found ourselves back at Maggie's and watched "The Muppet Movie"
followed by "The Princess Bride".  We were all about intellectual
stimulation that evening, let me tell you.  Steve tried to make a career out
of prequoting the movies, but only had an accuracy rating of about sixty
percent.  I made Khalua shakes with Maggie's Own Ice Cream, and Steve
brought out his swords for us to play with.  After his failed attempt in the
quoting business, he thought he might try to get a job being my personal
"pose" advisor.  I must say that he has quite a keen eye for Cool Poses With
A Sword.

There was more drinking, but I had already drunk my fair share for the
weekend, and was getting tired.  I usually reserve the weekends for catching
up on all the sleep I miss during the week, and missing my obligatory twelve
hours a day was catching up with me.

As all Socials do, this one had to unfortunately come to a close.  The
morning found snow on the ground, much to my disgruntlement.  Noell and I
made our way to a book store where I could replace the book I had left at
the Loy's and pick up another suggested by Mark and Kken.  Noell also
purchased a book or two, and then we were off to the airports again.  The
Joy of Snow caused canceled and delayed flights, which led to missed connect
ing flights, but we both eventually made it to our final destinations, a
little tired, and a little worse for the wear, but well worth it all in the
end.


Drew Gillmore
--
http://www.leisureforce.com/silverandgold/
drew@leisureforce.com