Subject: [TAN] Toledo DFS Quote List From: Keeper of the Chronicles Reply-To: colel@adelphia.net Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan NNTP-Posting-Host: ny-lancaster5a-69.buf.adelphia.net (24.52.104.69) Sorry for the long delay, folks. Been an incredibly busy week, including re-roofing part of our house, doing two separate electrical wiring projects, massive amounts of unpacking, and preparing for the arrival of my parents and my puppy dog. Without further delay, let's to it: As per usual, I could not have done this without the help of, well, most everybody. Zeynep was, apparently, everywhere that was funny that I wasn't. Her portion (by far, more than half, I think!) appears first. And to those of you whose handwriting appears in my little book, thank you as well for helping me chronicle. Overheard: [As a Darkfriend tickles Ernie...] Alex [I think this was Maggie's son, not Maggie's lackey. --LC]: I ain't saving your tiny butt! Mike: You surprise very well, Kenneth. [about port wine cheese] Mike: It's cheese-alific. Kenn: I think hystamines should be removed from the body altogether. Can you guys evolve us beyond that? Jeff: I could actually remove all the hystamines from your body, but then you'd drop dead... Kenn: It still feels like it's Friday to me.. Darkfriends: [collective stare, assorted "but it _is_ Friday" sounds, Kenn protesting that it was a wisecrack] Mike: You realize we think so highly of you that we actually attempted to correct you. Kenn: You're dead, you know. Jeff: Why? You're driving on the way back? Christine: Demon Drop? I heard that hurts. Maggie: It doesn't hurt! You end up with your stomach in your mouth, but...[trail away] Jeff: Well, _that_ doesn't sound exactly comfy... Kenn: Never, ever, _ever_ ask Kozlowski to explain something. Mike: Never, ever, _ever_ give coffee to Jeff Huo. Mike: What's the magic word? Anne: "No." Maggie: Some people call them camp chairs; I call them mighty damn convenient. Maggie: Kenn and his bitches... Alex G.: JPEG! JPEG! [I have absolutely _no_ idea of the context here.] Jeff: Today I went to the store and tried on women's lingerie. [nor here] Alex G.: Steve will whinny like a horse! Leah: I've never made him whinny like a horse Leah: Dude, you have _got_ to feel Anne's breasts. [I don't know who she was talking to, or why] Alex G.: Curse my caffeine-stunted body. Kenn: Will you stop lying your ass off? Mike: Mmmmmm. Wench. Kenn: I'm a closet heterosexual. Leah, to Anne: Come over here and say that, bitch. [Cue everyone between them at the table cringing and cowering] Kenn: I have seen Satan! [Zeynep suggests a Google search for something] Mike: Sweet, delicious Google... Alex G.: DFS=Dangerous Freudian System [context, what context?] Jeff: That's what they made Chocolate Body Paint for! Kenn: Hey, you're making my pasty bits show! Maggie: Don't make me beat you with your Furby. Anne: [Excess caffeine] makes me twitchy.... but I'm so much funnier when I'm twitchy. Leah, by way of saying "Hello" on the phone: Do you worship the Great Lord of the Dark? Jeff, approaching the first roller coaster he's ever ridden: Steve, that big-ass hill... is that ours? FUCK. Waitress at Boathouse Rest., as we milled in slowly: Come in and close the door. Steve to waiter looking around with beer bottles: This is the table that'll get all the alcohol. Ernie the 5-year old, tasting margarita: That's tart, isn't it? Christina to her drink: This is _so_ diet! Leah, from her seat at the restaurant which shows the lake and the Millennium Force: I'm just chilling here... watching the clouds... watching the birds... watching the people thinking they're going to die... Jeff: There was only a one-foot space between people's thighs! Melissa D.: _What_ were you doing between our thighs? Steve: Mike, _what_ are those and why do you have three of them? [he was talking about cole slaw plates] Melissa D: How can he be a good warder if he's a pumpkin? Steve: You know what I've discovered? It's fun being a stud. Everyone, at some point in the amusement park: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! [After a particularly...interesting... curve on a roller coaster] Jeff: What the heck was _that_? Zeynep: I'll write the equations later. [Why didn't it rain on Saturday?] Zeynep: Ernie or Alex must have prayed last night; they are the only truly innocent ones here. Madhu: Or the Great Lord of the Dark doesn't disappoint his minions. Jeff: I'm more comfortable with _one_ of these hypotheses.... Jeff: Eat hot flaming death, Barney! Zeynep: You're so... cutely Satanic sometimes Alex G.: The DVD player said "r00t." It's 1337! Alex G.: I need a girl that can kick my ass. Luckily, that isn't hard to find. Kenn: In sign language, how do you say "get that dildo out of your ass?" Mike: I sprained my brain. [Anne and Mel snuggling on the sofa next to Kozlowski] Kenn: There's some hot lesbian action going on there? Mike: It's more like hot lesbian inaction. Mike: Steve was opening an umbrella indoors while walking under a ladder into a black cat. Zeynep, to someone: _Geek_. Anne: You're wearing a Star Wars t-shirt. Shut up! ["America Strikes Back"] Someone: "America Strikes Out?" Alex G.: "America Bitch-Slaps." Kenn: When Jeff starts a story with "One day I was in the lab," you know it's time to swallow whatever is in your mouth. Maggie: Listen, mister, I've got a pencil and I know how to use it! [tidying Maggie's place up afterwards] Mel: I'm surprised that there isn't more duct-tape all over the place... What appears in my booklet o' blackmail: On your knees! On your knees!--Steve Well, she's dressed for it.--Ray I was thinking Leah's Ass--leather.....--Mel Do you want to be my weasel, Mike?--Maggie Expressions one doesn't expect to hear: "Load bearing baklava." --Mark That's the problem with the whole customer service. They can't see the neck thing. --Mel You can imagine the size of his penis? --Kenn If not, Kenn can help you --Alex I don't remember apples. I eat Mountain Dew. --Alex I need to speak of my friend Nora the Nun, who used to swear like a sailor. She is no longer a nun--Leah She's a sailor? --Melissa Kozlowski never said the word tits. --Anne It was a conversation that required a cigarette --Anne Yeah, it was all about tits and Kozlowski --Leah We will go grazing my brother --Alex He's going to eat me in my sleep --Alex What's his name--Maggie! Spit! --Alex It's better than the other one I found--it's name was frigid. --Madhu No, you're not allowed to put it on sucking breast wounds. --Mel I've never heard it called the boob fairy. We always called it the wang fairy --Alex I'm all of those things. --Kenn It's the mobius cock ring. --Kenn It's tough, but we're restraining ourselves. --Melissa Nummy nummy muffins. --Alex No! Don't leave me! I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight! It's the only pussy I've had...... --Alex I don't think I'm going to be able to look at you for the rest of the weekend without laughing. --Anne You sucked so hard for that, damnit! --Mel This is the first time in five years that I've had pants that zip up! --Maggie Now I get to find out how really badly I have to go to the bathroom. --Leah Don't make me get all pissy with you, woman! --Anne I don't know what that says about the relative size of my squishy bits. --Leah When somebody asks me for the time, I try to give them a reasonable facsimile of the approximate time...EMPHASIS MIKE --Jeff Jeopardy...I'll take what Mike wears between his ass for fourteen dollars. --Jeff I'm not frightened of your nose. --Anne Tweezlick--when someone with a microscopic penis is given a blow job. --Kenn The pants you're wearing are not conducive to sitting on my lap when I'm wearing hussy britches. --Maggie It's Hot Pants Brazeau --Kenn Oh, Kenn, that was really, really, Really, REALLY unnecessary --Mel -- Leah L. Cole colel @ adelphia.net "Veni, vedi, dedi gremium bonum" --the Humblest Lap on the Net "It's like Crouching Snapper, Hidden Pepper" --Iron Chef